Bella is being soooo stubborn.   Jeez Louise

Good, thank you

Good reminder of the difference from canon:  ‘More than half of his life he had been separated from them, but still the Denali's consider him a Cullen.'

Interesting:  ‘he didn't want to be touched by anyone if he could avoid it.'  So he's not just avoiding Tanya's come-ons this is a more general habit.  We also learn that Bella was dead-on about the reason he left them.

Aww, ‘He had thought that he was lonely when he had been the only singleton in the family, but recent years have shown him what lonely really meant.'

Clever detail, re J. Jenks' forged papers:  "You just have to attach photos after, Jasper doesn't want him knowing what any of you look like."

Unexpected progress re Alice:  ‘...the person he most blamed for the split with his family was the one who tried to look out for him most... Unlike the first time it happened, when he had thrown the gift away in a temper, this time he mouthed a silent thank you, knowing she would have already seen it.'

Wonderful scene of Edward using his gift to try to figure out what's going on at the baseball field by reading his family's minds.  Frightening that Alice sees such dire outcomes if he doesn't arrive quickly.  I enjoyed his first view of Bella in their thoughts, and his surprise that she's human.

Yaay, it makes so much more sense that the Cullens would destroy the nomads immediately, given Edward and Alice's evidence of the threat they presented.  I especially like that Carlisle trusts Edward's judgment and simply asks for an explanation.

Good job describing how Bella's scent affects him, and how the family helped him cope with it.  A good detail, re Bella's "strawberry" shampoo:  ‘...vampire senses were too keen for that to work and he could smell each chemical in the mix.' 

This is a good interpretation of Edward's and Jasper's gifts, and how they could set up an ever-escalating spiral:  ‘Edward read [Jasper's] thirst, which added to his own, which Jasper felt added to his.'  Good thing Jasper realized he had to get out of range, and quickly.  This makes sense, too, when Emmett remembers his own singer:  ‘Edward shied away from reading his brother's thoughts; he didn't need any additional thirst on top of what the girl was sending his way.'

Of course this would be Edward's reaction:  ‘"What the hell?" he asked, shaking his head to clear it, looking at the girl, trying to read her mind and find out how she had affected him.'

And ‘"Help me." He turned to his father, "I'm sorry I have to get away, I'll kill her if I stay."'

Bella's intention to leave, to avoid stressing out Edward, is perfectly consistent with her character. ‘"I thought I was supposed to help bring Edward back, not drive him away." The girl was almost in tears...'  Sniffle.

Helpful that he's able to read memories of Bella's lifetime from Alice, thus getting to know her quickly.

Nice:  when they reach the house ‘he was relieved, but at the same time strangely disappointed, to see her head straight for a rather dilapidated truck.'  Sweet that he's the one to ask her to stay.

Glad E is taking the others advice.   Charlie is really cool in this.

wow that's called love

Charlie Swan is pretty damn cool learning all this at once! I'm amazed at his acceptance of what the Cullen family are and Edward's connection to Bella. It tickled me that he told them to stop buying gifts for his daughter, they really are a lot alike! I bet Edward is sorry he accidentally hurt Charlie in his hurry to help his mate.

Funny:  ‘"Plus they will want to bring the XBox and use the flatscreen to play games." Charlie looked at her in horror. A house full of teens and no TV?'  An easy way to get permission to visit at the Cullen house.

I loved this line from Emmett: "You have to promise not to faint when you see me in the sun!" he told her, "I look fabulous!"

Poignant that Bella is so sure she'll part company with the Cullens once Edward returns.

‘"Just leave [Lauren] alone." Bella was feeling guilty for the girl's embarrassment.'  Rightly so - the immature campaign of getting back at Lauren went too far.  It's not hard, though, to imagine each of the Cullens cooking up their own form of revenge.

Interesting puzzle:  ‘Bella dropped it, it was obvious that Alice was hiding something, and maybe it was for the best? Maybe if Bella knew she would act differently? Maybe it could cause the meeting the family had waited so long for not to happen?'

Believable:  ‘When they reached the clearing Bella's muscles wouldn't release and it took both Rose and Alice to free their mother from her grip. Bella sank to the ground and felt like kissing it.'

A good description of the nomads:  ‘Both were beautiful of course, but it was a cold beauty. Like a mannequin or waxworks, too perfect. Little things like blinking and shifting their weight on their feet were missing, making an unnatural aura spread around them.'

What a fun way to bring Edward into the scene (at least I assume it's Edward):  ‘The Cullens formed a tight wall between Bella and the Nomads, when suddenly a blur passed between the two groups and like magic there was yet another vampire there!'

Oh wow.  I kinda figured Edward's epihphany would come after an intense moment and this fit the bill perfectly.  I really like how it came about!  I loved Charlie in this chapter too.  Excellent update! :)

Well, that went well with Charlie.

wow bella keeps getting put thru the ringer

i do not know how much one human can endure

Oooh do much easier that Charlie knows.   Hmmm wonder what Charlie it's going to say to courting?  Lol for trying to reign in Alice.

Wow, this was a surprise:

"I can't imagine Renée ever bothered to look after you much," he said blushing guiltily.

"Then maybe you should have fought for custody."

‘But all the things the woman had done had hardened her daughter to feeling much of anything, for anyone.'  Uh oh.  Yeah, Bella has never had a reason to trust anyone.

The stubbornly reappearing new phone is pretty funny. 

Interesting twist that at this point Bella knows nothing about the enmity between the Cullens and the Quileutes. 

Well done conversation between Bella and Jacob.  I like that your Jacob has some sense of boundaries. 

The best thing in your story so far, Bella to Esme:  "I can see why Edward left. It must have been unendurable to have someone come in and re-arrange everything to suit them and realise from reading all of your minds that none of you were going to stand up for him." 

‘Somehow the family had thought he would be fine with this, being displaced and in a way dismissed.'  Yes, exactly dismissed, as if he's less important than the new couple that just arrived.  He should have MORE seniority than anyone else, not less.  And yaay Bella:  ‘this young girl had seen through all the points of view to the heart of the problem when the Cullen's had spent years trying to figure out just what was the one thing too far that had tipped Edward over the edge.'

And thank goodness for this:  ‘Alice just wore you down until you gave in. Esme determined not to allow the girl free rein with Bella.'

Oh, no love triangle, please!

Edward has a tough job ahead of him, convincing Bella she really is his mate, and that he really wants her to be! If he pushes too hard and too fast, he might alienate her, as Esme suspects. I feel for Bella, and wish she had a little confidence in her own attractiveness! Every time I think about her lack of self-esteem, I could kill her mother! Here's hoping Edward doesn't lose control, now that his mate is on the reservation for a while, and not well!

oh goodness bells seems you have a new side kick

love it

hmmm  who's having the bondage thoughts I wonder?   hm Bella doesnt seem to not like the attention huh?

Good story. Please make changes to Twilight.. Your early intervention is great. She has this strong tie to his family. They love her and she loves them. So he can not rush off and leave her now because of the pain. Excellent.  Charlie is more of a father too.  Renee belongs in jail.. There I said it again.

doesn't matter he does not want her. Just like always. I really wish Bella had some other options like Garrett walking in and them striking up an attraction and Edward can be left behind where he deserves to be. He always treats her like rubbish.

Poor Kid she is so formed by the nightmare that is Renee. That woman should be put in jail, should have. Mother is no term for her.

this is a great story, a great plot and just all around awesome entertainment. Can't wait for more,do u have any idea how many chapters the story still have? Just a rough number. Thank you and merry Christmas.

Author's Response: The story is 59 chapters, thanks for the review and Merry Christmas to you too!

Interesting story the one about Phil!

Happy Holidays!

just change her and have fun figering out

From Jasper:  ‘"I can feel how uncomfortable you are Bella, but we have all waited so long for this day, you'll have to forgive us."'  A nice marker of the difference from canon.  They've all known about her for years.

Aww, nice that she recognizes that one or other of the Cullens used to accompany her on plane trips between Phoenix and Forks.  Fun remark from Rosalie re her upgrades to first class: "I don't see why you had to sit with the cattle."

‘...as someone who had struggled all her life to find enough money to do the food shopping she had a natural reluctance towards waste and extravagance.'  I bet.  I wonder how many other readers were irritated by the books' over-the-top emphasis on money and luxury.  It would have been interesting to see a story with the Cullens living an ordinary middle class existence - I would like to think there was so much more to their appeal than fat bank accounts and lavish spending.

Oh, sad when Esme is bothered by hearing "Claire de Lune". 

Hmm, interesting that Bella's new wardrobe is already sharing space with Edward's (presumably updated) clothes.

‘"I don't NEED them!" Bella was angry, at Renée, at herself; but it came out as angry at the Cullen's. She hated anyone knowing about her life with Renée, about he struggles.'  Understandable.  I applaud her standing up to Alice!  At least Carlisle attempts to be practical about her clothing needs.

"‘...we donate all our 'old' clothing to charity, in a way it helps the local communities that we live in."  Which brings up an interesting problem.  Such high-volume, expensive donations to local charities would certainly be noticed and commented upon in a small place like Forks.  I'm guessing Alice must have made frequent runs to places like Seattle for this.

A good detail:  ‘Bella still jumped slightly when anyone touched her, not through fear but rather still not used to physical contact.'

Kind of amusing that Bella feels as stuck repeating school as the Cullens!  I also enjoyed the detail you went into about both why they bothered enrolling in school, and how they pretended to age.  Yes:  ‘Wow, there was a lot more to this living forever and blending in with humans than Bella would have ever guessed.'

"...several times people have tried to interfere with the family, citing the fact that it is obvious that Alice and Jasper, and Emmett and Rose are together, yet living as supposed siblings."  Logical.  Jessica can't be the only one who ever noticed!

Edward the stubborn, bull-headed guy that he is, just can't give in and ask what Bella would like to do! He drives me crazy when he gets on his high horse and insists that she remain human! Who elected him God? Bella is almost as bad, when she insists that they don't need to be nice to her, since she has helped them out already! What a pair, right?

poor eddie he needs love

Im wondering when they are going to get together   love the story by the way

Where would the family be without Alice's visions? She must have kept tabs on Edward's travels as he tracked the tracker destroying large covens and older or talented vampires. I'm glad she showed Edward what would be Bella's fate if she was never changed. Now he just has to find a way to accept that future. I really hope that now he's home, he gets to know Bella better, and she him!

Cool seeing things from his POV

‘It wasn't a surprise that Esme had to be held back from visiting Renée to have a small chat after these emails...'  Ooh, wouldn't that get her attention!  Well, for about five minutes.

It's a nice idea that the Cullen couples took turns rotating through the apartment that overlooked Bella's home.  It's satisfying to see Rosalie getting involved.  Her overheard 911 phone call did the job, but I bet she'd have fun with a more direct method of scaring the bad guys.

Renee's ‘latest boyfriend was actually a drinking buddy of the 2 would-be burglars.'  Sounds very plausible.  Oh, and then Rosalie does get some creative revenge for Renee's neglect.  But how evil:  ‘She sold the books.'

Yes, this would be dangerous:  ‘Any time blood was involved the damage could increase exponentially as she would grow faint and drop to the floor like a brick.'  At least it's good that some of the adults around her took notice of her unusual frequency of injuries, and investigated.

This made me chuckle, re Phil:  ‘It is strange. First because even though Renée is her usual self, he is still here!'  I like how you have made Phil a sympathetic character, someone who looks out for his girlfriend's neglected daughter.  Canon Phil certainly seemed to be a good guy.  It's interesting how you've made Bella so resistant to Phil's attempts to look after her - she's so accustomed to managing everything on her own that it feels like interference.

‘...once more foster homes loomed in the visions.'  Ugh.  Another very believable possibility:  ‘If Bella was established in Forks too early she would start seeing the blond idiot from the camping store, and that would NOT go down well with Edward once he found her.'  Let alone the baby thing!

Amusing, but then really not:  ‘Alice fantasized getting her hands on Renée's neck, the roiling twisted future that fantasy produced made her ill and she stopped quickly.'

Also a sweet idea:  ‘at least one Cullen always caught the flight with her...'  But if they can be patient, 'Bella would be happy for a very, very long time...'

This chapter was really good.  I like the way Edward seems drawn to her and yet confused.  I liked the twist at the end too.

poor eddie and bella 

He is arrived, I suppose.

I am glad I found your story. Interesting, original and I particularly like your attention to realistic details, which are essential when one goes supernatural.

Really liked this chapter. Loved how Edward took out James and Victoria right off the bat. Got rid of them nice and neat. And he wanted Bella to stay!

Merrily

Kat

Tha was different. I like that the rogues were dealt with right away in your version.

Interesting first meeting!  I'm glad they're all together now.  Looking forward to what comes next!  Thanks for writing!

How handy to have some human employees to help look after Bella.  She needs a whole crew!

Clever thought that it would be challenging for Alice to come up with appropriate things to chat with Bella about.   Snicker:  “I have no idea what to say for once.

Also clever that they disguised getting computer access for Bella with a gift for the whole school.

Again, since you’ve started when Bella is quite young, we get to see what her regular summer visits to Forks were like.  And even though there would be no active shapeshifters at this time, the treaty still gets in the way of the Cullens keeping an eye on her.

Amusing:  ‘”She is so CUTE!" Alice's voice pierced through the small speaker, if he wasn't a vampire, he figured that it was totally possible that that last word could have only been heard by dogs.’

Hmm, intriguing, Alice’s plan will take nine years to come to fruition!  Good thing they have a lot of time.  What an awful thought:  “if things continue the way they are Bella will end up in foster care soon, bad things will happen to her and she will never get to meet Edward!” 

And what did Alice do that drove Edward away??

Sad that Bella has kept her peers away from her home, so no one will see how she lives.

Nice little scene with not only Carlisle helping Bella with her heavy bags, but Alice greeting him as "Dad" with her usual enthusiasm.

Ah, ‘The Cullen[‘]s … had got an apartment in a block overlooking the small house Bella lived in…’  Good way to keep an eye on her.  Slightly less stalkerish than canon Edward. 

Oh my gosh, so that’s why Mr. Blain was so nasty with Bella! 

Clever way to get some cash to Bella, and neither of her parents will ever know.  So frustrating, though, that there’s still another obstacle to getting the electric bill paid.  Understandable that ‘She wasn't used to being able to rely on other people, it felt nice having someone who acted on her behalf. She burst into tears in relief.’ 

Hello, Ms. Matriarch (like the pen name, btw)!  I found this story while fic diving on TWCS, something I hardly ever do.  So I think it was meant to be - I've read all the posted chapters, and been totally absorbed.  I love variations on canon, and your story is an intriguing twist.

You created such empathy for Bella, enlarging on what life with a casually "scatterbrained" mother might have been really like.  You have fleshed out some disturbing phrases from canon, particularly since you started at such an early age.  It makes me wonder, for one thing, how they managed before Bella was old enough to take on managing the household.  Perhaps as soon as Renee saw that Bella took up any "slack" at all, she took that as permission to abandon one more responsibility.  Shudder.  Reminds me, too, of Cinderella's stepsisters, treating her like a maid!

I have to say you also made me think about all the real people out there who struggle to scrape by on much less money than it takes to live at all comfortably.   I think you've done a service there. 

Sigh, at the beginning poor Bella is so alone in the world.  Nobody should feel that isolated.  And abandoned.  It's amazing how she has already learned how to get by without electricity, like camping in their apartment.  

I like that you explored Bella's intelligence too.  I always felt that SM dropped that ball in canon.  Of course for your girl, being promoted ahead a grade or two inevitably adds to the social isolation.  A year or two difference is huge at that age.

It was kind of shocking to think that at this point Renee would only be in her mid-20s, but that's right!  It still doesn't excuse her irresponsible behavior, but it does shed more light on their situation.

*desperate flailing*

Noooooo, evil cliffie!

Oh good, I think Bella is about to meet Edward! Unless maybe it's Laurent? I hope it's the long-missing Cullen, returned to the fold! Pardon my cold-heartedness, but that was funny when Bella slammed Lauren's face into the side of the truck! I loved that Charlie saw the whole thing and had no sympathy for the girl!

Yea! Edward's home. I can't wait to see what his reaction to Bella is and how the Cullen's handle James and Victoria. And having Bella defend herself and then have Charlie see it happen on camera, stopping Lauren from being able to lie, was a stroke of genius. Can't wait for the next update.  Thanks, Maria 

Edward

Author's Response: Indeed.

IS IT TIME YET?

Can't wait for Edward's appearance!  How much longer?  Love this story, I really really do!

Bella should ask her dad or the Cullens what caused her to spend the night in Edward's room! Her day at school without her protectors wasn't as bad as it probably could have been. I laughed at Lauren getting detention for bullying Bella! Sometimes it goes the right way!

Glad they are realizing Alice is a little too pushy.   ROFL for Phil walking away and letting Renee get arrested.  LOVED it.  Uh oh for the Jake slip.

wow   School is really going to be boring having to repeat 2 years.   B is even more stubborn than we are used too.   Ugh for Whoren and Skankica and Fig Newton.

I never considered the human's hunger having an additional effect on Jasper, that was a neat point.  I am glad Alice seems to be trying to work with Bella.  

In my last review I said I was glad Bella could enjoy being human & I realized after your reply it was poorly worded.  I just felt such pity for Bella in the books when she would beg to become a vampire & sometimes impulisvely beg Edward to change her that instant despite the fact that no plan had been set.  Your Bella seems to think things through a bit more.  She's also a bit more like I imagine a Bella with such a flighty mother would be -- independent and while maybe uncomfortable she is used to and able to stand on her own a lot.  Not always, but alot.

Mike and Lauren are annoying but I am glad she handled them so well.  I liked how Phil tried to look out for her in Phoenix.

I really enjoyed this chapter!

Thank GOD she is finally in forks.  If it wouldn't hurt Phil, now is the time for Renee to die.   I wonder if Renee figured out some way to get B's bank money.  OMG she had to pay rent to her mother????   jeez