The first time she caught him blushing was before they were even together. He had taken Henry out for the day, letting her and David clean up the mess left after defeating Zelena.

As she wiped sweat from her forehead, Emma heard a grunt and a crash. Her head whipped around, seeing an aluminum trash can roll out of the alley next to the bakery. She narrowed her eyes as she focused on the shadows moving in the fading daylight.

She rolled her eyes, threw the fractured piece of wood on the pile she’d created, and stomped over to the mouth of the alley.

Her anger immediately evaporated as she took in the scene before her. Henry’s eyes whipped over to her as she let out a barking laugh. He looked up at the pirate hanging out the window, eyes wide and panicked, then back to his mother.

“It was his idea!”

“Oy! Who are you talking to lad? This is a covert mission, remember!”

Emma bit her tongue to stop herself from collapsing in laughter. Killian’s legs dangled out of the window with quite a few feet between him and the wooden box he’d obviously used to boost himself. Those booted feet bobbed and kicked, trying to gain purchase on a nonexistent springboard. His hips shifted uncomfortably as he tried to wiggle himself out of the half open window that had clearly gotten stuck.

“Trapped there, are you, pirate?”

Those feet froze as a sharp gasp came from inside the dark bakery.

“I’m just gonna go help grandpa…” Henry’s voice wavered with concealed laughter as he jumped from his own box and raced around the end of the alley.

“Traitor! See when I take you out on the Jolly now!” Killian’s lower half went slack as she imagined his upper half did as well as he dangled limply from the window.

“So...whatcha doin?” Emma crossed her arms and cocked her hip to the side, smiling at the leather-clad ass she had never taken the time to admire before. It was really a delicious looking bottom, if she did say so herself.

“Well, love, the lad and I had an idea. But as you can see, we ran into a complication,” he huffed in annoyance. “And now that the jig is up, perhaps you could lend a poor old pirate a hand, hum?”

“Wait, just a minute…” she muttered as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and pressed the screen wildly to pull up the camera app. After a moment, she centered her shot and snapped the picture. At the sound of the shutter, which Henry had gotten him quite familiar with as of late, he started flailing around again.

“Swan! I demand to see the photograph! No! I demand you erase it! Now!” His indignant tone just made her laugh all the harder as she shoved the phone back into her pocket.

“Not a chance, pirate! That’s all mine. I think I’ll set up a Facebook account just so I can post that,” Emma giggled lightly as she stepped up onto the box underneath his legs. Looking intently at his backside one more time, she decided to give it a swat.

Her hand fell heavily on his superbly leather-clad ass with a crack, and he jolted in the window frame.

“What the bloody hell, Swan?!?”

“Just had to feel it for myself. I mean, it’s pointing right at me and everything.” Her cheeks hurt from her grin as she braced her foot and tried to shove the window up in the frame, and grunted when it didn’t move whatsoever. “Good lord, maybe you should lay off Granny’s pie,” she quipped.

“I will have you know that I am in better physical shape than most men. Life on a ship is quite the workout!”

“Keep telling yourself that, Porky,” she giggled once again as she struggled to finally move the window about a quarter of an inch. “How tightly are you wedged in….and not your painted-on pants, either.”

Killian huffed again and wiggled experimentally. “I supposed I’ve got a small amount of leeway. Let me see…”

Emma heard a scrape as she imagined him bracing his hand and his hook on the inside wall. His hips shifted marginally as he tried to pry himself loose.

“Here, let me push.”

Emma braced her hands on his ass, giving a nice hearty squeeze and laughing at his feeble protest, before she threw her weight forward. They stalled for a second, time freezing as the window creaked. Then with a grunt, a yelp, and a crash, Killian was through the window and sprawled inside the bakery.

Emma hoisted herself up, sticking her head through the window to see him upside down, his neck crunched at an odd angle, and his legs splayed upside down with his magnificent ass once again face up and on display.

He grunted as he slid along the tile, then straightened himself out. The security light from the alley kicked on in the encroaching darkness, shining like a spotlight into the window and onto the crumpled pirate.

“Hard night, huh?” Emma smiled again as Killian looked up at her, a red blush creeping up his chest and onto his face.

“You could say that, love. I, uh - I’ll just...use the front door,” he mumbled as he stumbled to his feet, shaking his head once as he braced his hook on a stainless steel shelving unit.

Emma began ducking her head to leave the alley when she heard another spectacular crash. She jolted upright and hauled herself up on the window sill again, positively beaming when she took in the scene before her.

Killian was sprawled across the tile floor once again, the cart he’d leaned on still rolling, with hundreds of crumbled cookies littered on and around him. He looked up at her sheepishly, quickly brushing a chocolate chip off his nose as she snapped another quick picture.

“That cart rolls, doesn’t it?”

His withering look was somewhat tempered with the incredible ruby glow highlighting his extraordinarily handsome face.

“Come on, you scurvy dogs!” A snort of laughter burst out of the living room as Emma crept quietly in the front door.

The click of sharp nails on their brand new hardwood floors made her grimace, but she immediately perked up once she poked her head around the corner.

Their older dog, Jolly, sat on her haunches with her large brown eyes following the action. Emma whistled lowly, Jolly’s ears perking up as her head whipped around and her tail started thumping.

With a snort in the direction of the “action”, Jolly laid on her stomach and began army crawling over to Emma’s hiding spot.

With a thump, Emma’s eyes returned to her husband jumping off the back of the couch with their new puppy, Roger, in his arms.

“Avast, mateys! I shall run your captain through with my trusty blade and ye shall forever bow to me!”

With a yip, Roger jumped from his arms and sprawled clumsily over the floor, paws skittering as he tried to gain purchase to chase his daddy.

Killian lunged dramatically at the upright lamp in the corner, dodging swiftly back and forth, parrying with an invisible sword as Roger yapped at his feet.

With a sharp dart to the left, he spun around the lamp, nearly tripping over Roger.

“Oy, mate! Keep out of yer Captain’s way boy! Or ye shall find yerself walking the plank!”

With a huge smile, Killian knelt down and ruffled the dogs head. “This is where you grovel for the Captain’s favor.”

The stage whisper was just loud enough for Emma to hear. Jolly snuffed out a laugh at her owner’s ridiculousness and nuzzled into Emma’s thigh.

“Alright girl. Let’s go for a walk.”

x . x . x . x . x

Two weeks later, Emma found herself trudging home from a freak gutter incident down at the station that had left her soaked to the bone.

Her steps slowed as she approached the door to the loft, listening through the door as she heard a shout of triumph and a dramatic whine from a dog.

She eased her key into the lock, slowly clicking the tumblers and slipped inside. She shucked her boots by the door, tiptoeing silently down the hall, peeking around the door frame into the living room.

Her hand flew to her mouth to contain her laughter. Killian was perched on the back of the sofa in full pirate regalia, his cutlass in his hand. One of her old sheets was strung up in the corner of the room.

But what made Emma nearly lose her hold on the laughter threatening to bubble up was the dogs.

Jolly had a “skirt” draped around her back end and what looked like a detached mophead on her head. She peered balefully out from under the “hair” at Emma, silently begging for this charade to end.

Roger, on the other hand, had a foam sword clutched in his mouth and was slowly army crawling towards Killian.

With a low ‘woof’, Killian appeared dramatically startled and hopped down, his boots clattering on the wooden floors.

“Oy! Ye shall not steal my fair lass! Be gone, you scurvy dog!”

His hand waved in a complicated pattern and Roger jumped to his hind legs, waving the sword around. He yipped out a shrill series of barks, dropping into a growl towards the end.

Emma whipped her phone out, pulling up the camera as Killian lunged towards Roger. She stifled a gasp, fearing for their newest familial addition. She should have known better though.

With another complicated hand movement from Killian, Roger dodged to the side, rolling over and spitting his sword out. He darted around Killian, who stumbled in an extremely fake manner, and launched himself at Jolly, pinning her to the floor.

Roger howled out a gleeful cry and Jolly snorted out a huff.

Killian’s head hung low as he sprawled out dramatically. “Oh! The cruel fates have stolen my woman and my ship! What’s a poor pirate to do?!?” His arm flung over his eyes as he spoke, followed by a short sniffle.

Emma bit her tongue. This was way too funny. Now she knew how he spent his days while she was at work.

Roger yipped out a short bark and Killian peeked out from under his arm. “Ah, so ye caught me.”

He leapt to his feet as Roger sprang to his, letting Jolly up. She scampered quickly toward Emma, clearly eager to escape the boys and their game.

“Ye’ll never best me!”

Emma watched as Killian and their dog bounced around the living room, swinging their swords at each other, Roger occasionally dropping his to sound out another “battle cry”.

Finally, their sparring drew to a close as Killian lunged dramatically once again, covering Roger with his long leather jacket.

When they finally parted, Emma couldn’t hold back her laughter anymore. It bubbled out joyously as she stared at her husband, their dog in his arms, sporting a plastic hook over one paw and an eyepatch.

“Emma! I-uh...didn’t know you’d be home so soon, love,” his face flushed scarlet as he gently set Roger down. The puppy stumbled with the hook and Killian bent to yank it off his paw, surreptitiously hiding it in the folds of his coat.

Emma rounded into the living room, peeling her wet shirt off her body as she went. Killian’s eyes bugged out of his head, clearly not expecting this turn of events.

“Well Captain. Since it looks like your other lady love has run off, maybe you’d make due with me?” she quirked her eyebrow up as a deliciously wicked grin formed on his face.

“Aye, love. I think I have more plundering to do!”

It was happening again. They’d met up at Granny’s for their daily lunch date and she ordered her usual-grilled cheese, fries, water and coffee. And Killian was staring at her again.

“Is there something wrong?”

His eyebrows jerked up. “No. Is something troubling you, love?”

Emma sighed, not wanting to make a big deal out of nothing. “It’s just-we’ve been together for about a month. And every single time we have lunch, you stare at me like I’m a puzzle.”

His face flushed as his eyes darted away from hers. “Uh-I’m not...it’s not you, Swan. I’m-intrigued….by this realm’s culinary offerings.”

She blinked. Then recalled his order-the same order he gave every single day.

Toast with butter. Bacon. Water. Fruit Salad.

She also recalled one day last week when he’d been perplexed to find a new fruit in his fruit salad. She’d had to explain the orange squares were cantaloupe and that yes, they were perfectly edible. He’d been delighted as juice spurted down his chin, raving about the sweetness on his tongue.

“Oh! Well, why don’t you try some of mine then? That way you can try new things without worrying about whether you’ll waste it or not,” she smiled at him, reaching for his good hand and giving it a squeeze. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even think of that.”

“I’ve liked almost everything I’ve tried,” he grinned sheepishly. “Especially that thing your mother makes-the one with the noodles and the cheese and the sauce-”

“Lasagna,” she broke in helpfully.

“Yes, lasagna. That was delicious. I’m just a wee bit reticent to venture out of my own accord,” he leaned back as Ruby placed their orders down with a smile.

Emma grinned as she picked up half of her grilled cheese, offering it to him for a bite. He glanced warily at the sandwich before leaning forward and nibbling at the corner.

“It’s buttered bread, with cheese in the middle. Then they throw it on the griddle and toast it,” she explained as she watched his eyes light up.

“That is quite delicious, love. I think I’m going to like this new venture of ours!”

x . x . x . x . x

So far, he’d tried grilled cheese, cheeseburgers, every kind of potato creation Granny could think of and everything on the breakfast menu. Oatmeal was not something he was fond of, but otherwise he’d enjoyed nearly everything.

So she was perplexed one day when she caught him eyeing her again.

“What now? You’ve tried everything I’ve got today,” she pointed out exasperatedly.

“Uh-this beverage you always drink...coffee...is it any good?”

She blinked. He’d never had coffee? Huh-she couldn’t live without her coffee and she couldn’t fathom not having a cup or two per day.

“It’s...well, it’s caffeinated. So it helps wake you up in the morning or gives you more energy during the afternoon,” she explained, offering her cup to him.

He gazed at it warily, taking the handle from her. He sniffed at the hot liquid, wrinkling his nose in a way that made Emma’s heart stutter...really, no one should be THAT attractive.

He put his lips to the rim and Emma marveled at the perfect pink arches as he tipped the mug up. And then she gasped as the hot, brown liquid was spewed right back at her.

“Ugh! Oh good lord, Swan! Is that poison?!” he wiped his mouth hurriedly as he almost tossed the mug back at her.

Her eyes were huge and round as she slowly tilted her head to survey the damage. Her new shirt-so white and pristine and pretty-yeah it was now speckled brown and was decidedly not so pretty. She wiped the spatter from her face, grimacing when she ran her hand through her blonde hair and noticing the damp patches.

His spastic movements stopped, his eyes lifting to hers in a moment of horrified clarity.

“Oh Gods! Swan-I’m so...fuck! I’m sorry! I’m just-” he leaped up, grabbing at the pile of napkins Ruby’d delivered. He rounded the table quickly, dropping to his knees and patting at her shirt. He swiped at her chest, trying to get the stubborn stains out as she took a deep breath-and began giggling.

“Killian-” she tried to get his attention, but he steadfastly refused to look up at her. He focused rigidly on his task, darting his tongue out to wet the napkin before bringing it back to her chest.

“Killian!”

He froze, eyes rising slowly to meet hers.

“My shirt’s fine. I’ll go home and change...but we’re kinda giving everyone a show…” she motioned around the diner.

Everyone’s eyes were on them. Granny wore her trademark scowl of disapproval while Ruby just smirked. Leroy and the dwarves looked as if they weren’t quite sure whether to laugh or not. Regina just rolled her eyes and went back to her salad. But the icing on the proverbial cake were the wide round eyes of her parents.

Mary Margaret had her hand over her mouth, clearly trying to stifle the laughter that threatened to bubble out. But David’s face was a storm cloud of anger-clearly having his daughter’s breasts pawed at in the middle of a public setting was not on his bucket list.

Killian’s face flushed scarlet as he leaped to his feet, yanking himself back and onto the opposite bench. Emma tried to stifle her laughter, but failed miserably. He shot her a dirty look as he slouched down and buried his face in his good hand.

“Just great, love. Perhaps you could be good enough to warn me the next time you try to poison me.”

Emma bent over, putting her head on the table, her stomach aching from her laughter.

“Oh, my pirate! What would be the fun in that?!?”