[Report This]Date: 18 Mar 2010 3:59 PM Title: SHE SHALL BE FREE
This is without a doubt one of the best chapters you have written, I love Liams look back at his past and how Yolanda has enriched his life an changed him it was beautifully done and absolutely brillliant!!!
OK now bring on "The Thing", thanks!
And God Bless Yolanda.
Date: 17 Mar 2010 9:01 PM Title: NO CONTROL
That was indeed hard stuff and very shattering... There's no sign of the vampires though it's very stirring to know who this woman really is.
What impresses me most is Yolanda's medical background. Her outlook on the world, her malady and Thing seem to be very well considered. People with experiences like hers are/think surely likewise. 'What if I can become a vampire? All of my pangs will be gone. My illness will be gone and I can live a happy and neverending life.' (That's it what makes a good story: some well-considered ideas) She is caught in her own body but she still understands everything around her.
'Thing', even when he is only a minor character, gives Yolanda and her history very much personality. His behavior shows her that he probably doesn't love her anymore. Everything is too much for him and his only way out is to get rid of her, she is like an unwanted pet to him. The choice to drive her all the way to Washington State shows how he thought about his own problem solving. He is absolutely overstrained with caring for her. It's sad that this is his only idea to help himself...
Date: 17 Mar 2010 5:40 PM Title: PROLOGUE
Hey =)
(Just a short note: I have read your first five chapters by now, but I'd like to review each of them, so don't be confused, please ^^)
When I first read your Prologue and the next/first chapter with Emmett's POV I was confused... I registered that Yolanda is turning into a vampire right now. Ok, I got that. Then Emmett... He and Rosalie are running through the woods. It's a bit freaky because Emmett thinks about sex while a friend is turning. I'm not sure if Emmett really has fun (yeah, he obviously has *gg*) out there while Yolanda is in pain. However he is very physical so that's ok. But what really confused me was how you started Emmett's first chapter. Rose and Emmett are hunting and they find the human Yolanda. It's a similar sourounding (prologue: woods; first chapter: woods) so at first I wasn't sure if both texts belong to the same timeline.
Back to the prologue *grin* It's hard to review a short text, but what caught my eye was your way of writing. I need the first 3 or 4 chapters to be sure if I really want to read a fanfiction, and I am really demanding. I don't like many stories and lots of them have a terrible spelling style. I wonder if those people only write because they want to see some story of theirs on the net... Your prologue was different... And what I wanted to say is this: When someone writes as wonderful as you did, the story will surely be wonderful as well...
Author's Response:
thank you so much for your in depth review of this story. I really appreciate the time you have taken. hope you go on to enjoy the rest of the chapters.
it has been a tough one to write because characterYolanda is based on a real life friend, in treatment for Stage 4 cancer. It has been wholly written for her benefit and to give her wings at such a difficult time, but many of my readers have become lovely friends now - so I have benefited from the experience.
I understand what you mean about the prologue details - this was necessitated by the other site as I was warned to put the Cullens on the first page of writing for it to "qualify" as a Twilight canon story.
I shall pop in an extra line to differentiate the timeline - thanks for pointing it out.
[Report This]Date: 23 Feb 2010 8:34 PM Title: PROLOGUE
This is lovely! So glad to see you posting here and sharing Yolanda's beautiful story with us all.
Date: 22 Feb 2010 6:22 PM Title: PINK
I always knew Rosalie could be soft and gentle...she's just careful who it's with. Emmett is amazing and you write for him soo-o well! He's strong and tender and not afraid to be either! Outstanding chapter!
Date: 19 Feb 2010 10:40 PM Title: NO CONTROL
Wow....very disturbing and extremely well written. I am already horrified by the monster behind the wheel and hoping she gets revenge eventually. Can't wait to read more!