Bring Him Home Chapter 33

The seafood platter was amazing and it was only as I was wiping my chin and rinsing my fingers in the cute little finger bowl that I realised we had eaten in complete silence. Not only in silence but I hadn't even really looked over at him.  I tried to tell myself it was because the food was so good but in reality I knew that I would probably cave in and tell him that it was ok to keep his secret, that I didn't need to know.

A large sigh finally made me look up and Edward was pushing his food around his plate, by the looks of it very little had actually been consumed.

"Bella can I please tell you in stages? So much happened back then and to be honest I've tried to blank most of it out, the therapist I'm working with is helping me piece everything together and deal with it but I'm just not quite ready to recount everything yet".  He finally gave in with his food and dropped his fork into the soggy mess that had at one-time been macaroni cheese with a side order of bacon and mixed peppers.

"Edward all I ask is that you be honest with me"

"I will be I promise; can I just say that several things happened all in a very small space of time and I didn't cope very well, instead of facing up to everything and dealing with it I took the cowards way out and ran. Once I started running I couldn't stop and before I knew it is was three years later and I found myself here. Riley tried his best to get me to come home but well ......let's just say I wasn't ready. I made Riley promise not to tell my Dad he'd seen me, I had a long hot shower, a hot meal and after a night's safe sleep I was gone before he woke up the next morning.

He stopped to take a long drink from his water glass before he finally looked at me. I suppose the best way I can describe the look on his face was a mixture of relief and desperation for me to understand. His body language was open and giving, I had no choice but to believe him and grant him his wish I would wait, just not for ever.

"OK Edward I'll be patient, but please understand I just want to help you and get to know you, I can't do that when I know you are keeping so much of you closed off from me"

He snorted, a sound I was not expecting, it was almost a sneer

"Bella most of the shit is still closed off to me, don't take it personally. The weird part of all this is that I remember every second of those few days and I have relived them a million times, what I can't do is process them and let my mind deal with it, you know everything that happened"

I knew we had reached his limit, he was not going to say anything else so I tactfully changed the subject and asked him how he was getting on in his exercise routine with Emmett.

His demeanour changed instantly as he realised I'd changed the topic, we were away from dangerous subjects and the smile I'd been waiting to see all night almost appeared.

"Oh I think I have surprised him, I'm in ok shape but he wants me to be some sort of muscle man like he his. That is definitely not for me so we have agreed to disagree and he is sorting me out a new exercise plan."

It was obvious he was glad of the change of subject and as he picked up his glass again and nodded to me.  Things were still slightly strained though, we struggled to actually keep the conversation going and I ended up telling him random stories from my childhood to actually fill the silence. He was polite and I knew he was listening but whether he was actually taking anything in was another matter. I was quite tempted to run a pop quiz on him to see if he could answer my questions. Eventually after watching him destroy but not eat a sublime piece of chocolate marbled cheesecake I decided enough was enough.

"Why don't you take me home Edward? I can tell you don't really want to be here" I put down my cutlery and gathered up my purse, reaching for my credit card I looked for the waitress so I could settle our bill.

"Bella please no"

"No what Edward? "

"You're right I am struggling to be here, I thought I would be ok, but everything here reminds me of my Mom and I miss her so much, especially as what happened was my fault".

"Your fault, what was your fault?"

"Not here please, let's go and we'll talk on the drive home" before I could say anything he was up and pulling my chair out.

He ushered me out of the door and into the car within a minute and it was then I realised we hadn't settled the bill.

"Edward we didn't pay"

"Don't worry I'll settle it with Riley tomorrow, he won't mind" he said as he drove out of the car park.

The drive home was better than I thought it would be, I'd expected him to be sullen and distracted but as soon as we drove away from the restaurant his spirits lifted. He suddenly decided to ask me about my day and about my work and how I'd come to set the company up. It wasn't hard to see he was trying to distract me from the subject he'd promised to discuss. I let the conversation flow and everything was fine until I asked him what he had been studying at college, he shut down immediately and I could have kicked myself again, the non-discussion topics also seemed to include college. I really needed to see if he would give me a list of banned topics, it would make general conversation so much easier.

 Luckily we were only about 10 minutes from home so I left him to his brooding, as he pulled up outside my apartment block he left the engine running, a big clue he wanted to disappear fast and wouldn't be coming up for a coffee. That really pissed me off, not that he wouldn't be coming up, but the fact that he was in a hurry to get away. I decided to make him squirm just a little bit

"Would you like to come up for coffee, or even to walk me to my door now that Albert will actually let you in?"

His features were torn, I could tell he was trying to decide what he needed to do most against what he wanted to do, see me safe into my home and sit and have a coffee or disappear and process what had happened tonight.

I saw the decision made as he turned off the ignition, "I'll see you inside but do you mind if I don't stay for coffee, I need to talk to my Dad about something "

I nodded and not waiting for him I stepped out of the car, we walked in silence to my door where I put the key and unlocked it. I opened the door slightly and turned back to look at him.

"Are you sure you won't come in?"

"No thank you, I'll wait to hear you lock up then I'll get going, can I come by tomorrow though?"

His enquiry startled me, if I was honest I wasn't expecting to see him again.

"Yes of course you can, I'll be home in the afternoon"

"Fine, good night then Bella I'll see you tomorrow". 

I stood waiting for him to leave but he didn't move, "I'll wait till I hear the lock" he said again and pushed open the door for me.

I realised he was serious so I turned and stepped into the hallway and closed the door in his face, making sure to nosily put on the security chain and turning the dead lock. I couldn't resist peeping through the peep hole and I watched as he stood for a moment, then tried the door to make sure it was locked. As soon as he was sure it was, he walked away.

EPOV

I sat in my car, my head slowly banging against the steering wheel because tonight had been an absolute disaster.  I had thought that taking her to ‘Platt's would have been easy, that I would be been comfortable enough to actually talk to her, but the memories started to overwhelm me the minute I walked in and I froze up.

I really like Bella, okay our first encounter had been a bit unusual but to be honest I was so fixated on trying to actually get the courage up to go and speak to Emmett that I really didn't even notice her until she was really screaming and shouting at me. She gave me a second chance though, when she apologised to me in the park and that action probably saved my life. Her knowing Dad and Emmett and them coming to me in the hospital, well she will probably never really realise how close I was to just laying down somewhere and hoping not to wake up.

I needed to talk to Dad and probably Alex my therapist, they would help me with how I could get back on Bella's good side because I hated the thought of her being mad or upset with me.  I had to fix this.

I know I was going to have to tell her everything, I wanted so badly to believe that she would understand and let me be part of her life, but then why should she, who really would want to be with someone who had killed his own mother and let the one person he had loved most in the world shatter his world, just because she could.

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So we are a little close, Edward is finally starting to open up but will Bella wait ?