Great chapter.  I loved the way Edward found himself thinking about Bella as he unpacked and went about his day.  The conversation with Alice, Emmett, and Edward was really well done too.

Another great job!  Are you planning any more chapters for this?  You are SO talented!

I just read Immersion and really enjoyed it. Thanks! Are there any differences in the main story between this version and the one on FF? What about your other stories? Are the the same on both sites? I like your stories and will put you on author alert.

Author's Response:

Thank you, Coleen! Glad you enjoyed it...

You did a wonderful job with this chapter!  The discussion between Bella and Edward concerning his soul was masterfully done.  It was sensitive and logical, with Bella providing powerful and convincing arguements.  I hope Edward starts listening to her!  I liked the fact that your Bella has standards and morals and believes in marriage.  I hope that your story will eventually have Edward changing her. 

The spider bit was PRICELESS!  As always, your talent shines.

Typo alert:  You have the phrase "carves you and wants you in bed" where you mean craves.  This is where Bella is talking about going home.  Lastly, "All the Cullen's have married." should be "All the Cullens have married."  In this sentence the word "Cullens" is plural, not possessive.

I'm so excited to see an update for this story!  I loved the comment from Carlisle about the hospital being on alert.  Priceless!  Thanks for updating this story!

I can imagine that was a challenging chapter to write (for several reasons).  But, as usual, you did an excellent job.  It was sensitive, not outlandish, in character, and fit very well in the story.  Poor Edward!  I did feel sorry for his lack of privacy, but I guess turn-about is fair play.

I'm so sorry to hear about your computer troubles!  But I'm so very glad you didn't give up!  You've done a wonderful job with this story and I'm always glad to see a new chapter.  Always worth the wait.

Speaking of waiting, it is nice that Bella and Edward are on the same page in terms of taking the next steps in their physical relationship.  Sometimes it's nice to read a story where they wait.

I'm so glad that you're continuing this.  I look forward to reading more.

Thanks for writing this story!

I really like this story.  The premise is SO original and inventive.  I'm impressed with your creativity.

I've just read the entire story (29 chapters as of June 6th) and I noticed you had some notes about adding a missing chapter, etc.  However, it appears to me that chapters 18 and 19 are in reverse order.  Please take a look at this.  Also, in this chapter, after the author's note, is a stray line and I'm not sure where it belongs.

Lastly, I noticed that you sometimes use the word "use" when you mean "used."  The secondary definition of "used" is accustomed or habituated.  So, in the sentence, "more modern than they were use to in Alaska . . ." you need the word used.  I only mention this because I saw multiple examples while reading through the story.  There is a similar issue with suppose/supposed.  Also, you should have your beta be on the lookout for confusion between "your" and "you're"

Again, I've read several of your stories and your talent is obvious.  I'm looking forward to more chapters in this and your other stories.

Thanks for the new chapter!

Great chapter!  I loved the "first date."  Looking forward to the final installment.  Are there more outtakes planned?  I have the outtakes on alert, but I was just curious.

Lots of stuff to "love" in this chapter!  This was just a wonderful chapter!  I'm looking forward to seeing how you wrap this story up.

This was the perfect proposal and wedding for this story.  Thanks for writing this!

You have done an incredible job with this story!  I was planning to just skim it, but I was quickly won over by your story-telling talents.  Your premise is excellent and the plot development compelling.  The mechanics (grammar and spelling) are also very good.  Too many writers don't understand that poor punctuation, spelling, etc. can really get in the way of an excellent story. 

Please keep the chapters coming!  I'm going to resist peeking at this on the fan fiction website because I want to see it the way you originally intended. 

Great story!  Thanks for the update!

Such a wonderful ending! Looking forward to the epilogue.

I'm glad you're continuing this!  Thanks for giving us a new chapter!

You've done a wonderful job with this story.  You've done an impressive job of structuring and pacing it.  You have a real talent!  I'm looking forward to the rest of this story.

A minor correction:  When you talk about the Cullens as a group, you don't need an apostrophe (Cullen's).  You just need to make it plural (Cullens).  Example from this chapter:  " . . . the chances of acquiring the rest of the Cullen’s would increase . . ." It should read " . . . the chances of acquiring the rest of the Cullens would increase . . ."  Do you see the difference?  If you are talking about something like the Cullen's home then you need the apostrophe.  I hope this is helpful!

You've done a great job with this story, even though it has very difficult subject matter.  I wasn't sure if I would like it, but I'm glad I gave it a chance.  This is very original. 

This is a good start.  I like your ideas.  There were a couple of rough spots where I wasn't sure who was speaking.  Also, a couple of times the characters start speaking with, "Em, . . ." like they're clearing their throat or slightly stammering.  However, since sometimes Emmett is referred to as "Em" I found it momentarily confusing and thought they were addressing Emmett.  Perhaps something like "Uh, . . ." or the like.

Again, it's an inventive story and I look forward to seeing how you develop it.

I enjoyed this story.  Thanks for finishing it!

Great! I loved it! I am such a fan of TwilightMomofTwo! It's not surprising that this won first place. Congratulations and thanks for posting this.

Author's Response:

Hi there! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. Glad you liked it. We had a lot of fun writing it, and turning Jacob into such a dark character.

I'm so glad you added these two chapters to the original one-shot. I had enjoyed the one-shot, but now the story just feels complete. I always love reading both POVs. Sometimes stories with just one POV feel like half a story. It would be too hard for me to pick a favorite.
Great job! I always enjoy your work - thanks for writing!

I'm still enjoying your story.  Great job!  Thanks for the quick updates!

I'm enjoying your story.  Just a small correction:  an engaged woman is a fiancee (with the diacritical mark above the first e) and a man is a fiance (mark above the e, of course).  So, in this chapter, the references to Alice should be as Emmett's fiancee.

Great chapter!  The kissing scene was really well written.

Great chapter.  It's helpful to know more background.

Great chapter!  I'm so glad that Emmett and Jasper aren't giving up! 

Great chapter!  It just feels like the right timing to wrap up/resolve some of the conflicts in the story.  I have no doubt that there is more to come and I'll be here, ready to read about it!

Several great chapters!  Lots of excitement!  I don't know what else to say except that I'm really glad the updates have been so frequent.

I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for updates!  Thanks for updating so often!

A couple of typos/mistakes:  and went down her parched through she couldn’t help but drink thirstily.  Do you mean parched throat ?

Also, at the end:  as he whispered in her ear made her nauseous This should definitely be nauseated.  To be nauseated is to feel sick to your stomach.  To be nauseous is to make others feel nauseated.  For example, sour milk is nauseous and if you smell it, it will probably make you feel nauseated.  When in doubt, think of the words poisonous and poisoned.  Nauseous and nauseated should be used the same way you would use poisonous and poisoned.  That's how I always check to make sure I'm using the correct word.

I hope this is helpful!

Thanks for all the updates!  It's really nice to get frequent updates when the story is at such an exciting/intense point.

I love how you're wrapping up this story!  Thanks for the chapter!

Hale yes!  Possessive Edward is impossible to resist.

You've done a great job with your story.

Short, but good!  You're right:  the chapter was just what it needed to be.  Thanks!

Another great chapter!  Very exciting.  It's nice to have a short story to read and enjoy.  Sometimes those long fanfics with 200,000+ words can be exhausting!  I'm looking forward to the last chapter.

Your story is interesting.  I look forward to reading more chapters.

One correction for this chapter:  Bella is nauseated NOT nauseous.  The difference in the two words is similar to the difference between poisoned and poisonous.  The thing that makes you feel sick to your stomach is nauseous (for example, rotting meat is nauseous).  A person gets nauseated, not nauseous.  I hope this is helpful!  Unfortunately, it's a common mistake.

Another great chapter!  I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens next.  You're doing a great job with this story.  One quick correction:  during the part where the nurse is taking blood from Bella you use the word vile when you mean vial (definition:  a small glass container usually used for liquids and having a lid).  The last time you mention the vials, you have it spelled right, but the first references are wrong.  Hope this helps!

Great cliffy!  Wow, what a chapter, a lot happening and it was all great reading.  Thanks for writing this story!

Wow! Lots of excitement in this chapter. You've done such a great job creating this alternate universe. Not twisted, just hawt (IMHO).

Author's Response:

Thank you so much! I'm happy that you are enjoying this story still. Phew glad you think it's hawt. Sometimes I'm not sure if it's twisted or hot. lol

As always, you continue to create a truly exciting "alternate universe" with your story.  Bravo!! 

Your vampires and their characteristics/history are fascinating; the marking and dominant behaviors are absolutely fuckhot.

Keep it up!  (PS I'm also reading the Living in Hell story and enjoying that too.)

Excellent!  Very exciting!  I love the fearless way you write this story and include things (like menstration) that other authors shy away from.  Your alternate universe is so fascinating.

Wonderful cliffy at the end!  Looking forward to the next chapter (as always)!

Fun outtake!  Thanks for writing this.

One correction:  all verbs in a sentence (and in the same paragraph) should be the same tense.  Mixing verb tenses can cause what I like to call "mental stumbles" for your reader, as the shift in tense makes them pause in their reading to try to figure out what is happening.

Example from this chapter:  "she sure is pretty and she had great breasts" should be "she sure is pretty and she has great breasts" 

I've seen this a few times in your chapters, so you might want to be on the lookout for this.  Also, in a verb phrase the helping verb determines the tense.  Hope this helps.

I really like your story.  You're doing a great job with it.  I love the banner!

Great job!

Very sweet ending to the chapter! 

About updates:  you have NOTHING to apologize for!  My goodness, two updates a week would be awesome!  Even one update a week would be impressive.  There are a lot of stories that I'm reading that don't get updated but once or twice a MONTH.  You're doing GREAT!

Thanks for doing some EPOV!

Great job with Bella's back story.  I can imagine it was difficult to write, but I think you managed to make it traumatic without damaging her "beyond repair" as you put it in the end note.  It's a difficult balance and you did an excellent job. 

I'm enjoying your story.  It's off to a great start.  Thanks for writing this!