I cant believe shehasntfigured it out.

I loved it. I am so glad they were truthful with each other.

Aw!  They are so cute.  I wonder what Edward has in store....

Damn!!  Now that was an early morning gift!!  The only downer was when I stopped reading to check the clock so I could figure out how long it will be till my husband comes home...AND we have the chance to go here!  But next to him, nobody gives me this kind of smile first thing in the morning!!!  One thing you added here that I swear I've never read anywhere, was the sound and look on HIS face when he was coming.  It was so perfect...and would have been so handy the first time my husband and I made love!  We waited till we were married...both of us...( I must say learning together was an indescribable joy!) and when he finally came for the first time -  Dear Lord, I thought he was having a heart attack!  I look forward to that look and those sounds now...just like Bella!  In case you haven't guessed, MORE please!!

he better grab her and kiss her hard!

we all have regrets in life, looks like bella is gonna be able to go back and change hers.

oh and by the way i second the vote for BEST ORGASM EVER!! please do more i want to know what happens..i mean he did get the room for another night *wink wink* sweaty edward is amazing lol

bella had a thing for 'e' too?!? so sweet.

it was nice to see that she went through the normal 'holy shit what am i about to do' thoughts.

i can not even imagine having to go to that extreme! but it sounds like eddie is gonna come and save the day.

I don't know girls. I like this ending. Why spoil a great relationship before it gets started, huh?? BTW....I would vote this story for BEST ORGASM EVER!!!

loved it

omg i love it so far plz review soon!!:0)

Ooooooo......another chapter?!?! YES PLEASE! This one was great. I think it was a great "ending" to their time apart :)

Yowza. I really need to find a man like that. And yes we love reading lemons. I must say you ladies are very talented. Please update soon or I will send James after you. You are the best.

 Marguerite

 P.S. I tried to vote for you but that link doesn't work.

Looks like it's going to be quiet sweet. :)

Author's Response:

TA and I love our emotionally laden tales, so yeah, that seems to be the general concensus. :D

Interesting first chapter! :)

Author's Response:

Thank-you!!  :D

Of course you must continue!  Nice story ladies :)

Okay, this is my last review. You now have thirty from me and thirty from Tish. If that ain't enough for you to post early, I don't now what is.

A few words of advice:

Be careful of what words you use; like, great, good, pretty, sweet, things, stuff, junk, cute, nice, ugly, mad, sad, and happy - refrain from using them if at all possible. Try to use more descriptive words; tearful, heartfelt, amazing, intringuing, beautiful, treacherous, angry.

Avoid cliches, it takes away from the story.

Try to avoid what other people write. If you read lots of stories, mentally categorize often used lines. If you want to use one, change it so that it sounds different, new. You may just start a new fad, plus everyone will remember you for it.

Take the bad with the good. I've been cussed out because of my stories more time than I care to count. There will be people who think your stories suck royally. If they comment, take it in stride. If they tell you why, use their words as advice in the next story. You might impress them yet.

Don't overuse a word in a paragraph, chapter, or story. I don't know how many people use the word 'then' every other sentence. It sounds bad.

Try to stay away from stating the obvious, sometimes it's neccesary, but most often it isn't needed.

Keep the characters from sounding needy - unless that is their personality trait - and even then, it can drag down a story seriously. Characters, even minor ones, need to have a range of traits and emotions. If they have one emotion, they sound bad in a story.

Trust me, everyone has trouble with that stuff. I have a horrid time with most of it, but I'm getting better all the time (I should be after all the stories I've wrote). You've probably already heard most of them, but it never hurts to be reminded.

And if you ever need help catching cliches and horrid lines, or helping you to discern your style and the era you are basing it off of, I'm only a PM away. (It's my specialty, I have several authors that come to me for that specifically; they don't use me as a beta [though I have several people I beta for as well] they just get my advice in the area that most betas don't notice, or at least choose not to mention on).

It was a very well-wrote chapter, and has been a well-wrote story all along. I look forward to the completion, though I will be tearful to see it go.

Also, one last time, I never intend offense.

“Lift up, Bella,” he instructed sliding the arm he was propping himself up on under my shoulders to cradle me to him.

A change of rolls to where she has become the more Dominant. This is realistic; especially in a plain vanilla relationship. Though I don't know if you can really call this that. It is more like a one night stand that could possibly turn into more, if they don't screw it up.

Overall well wrote, and easily relatable.

I needed more.  I had waited years to feel this, and I wanted more -- now.

Once again it is clear of her complete innocence. If she has never experienced the touch of a man that can rival the one she is currently with; she is innocent.

Certain my heart was about to pound out of my chest, I sank slowly down onto the edge of the bed and scooted back toward the center.  As though he was tied to me with a chain, Edward followed to settle on his side next to me kicking off his shoes and socks as he went.  His eyes followed his hands as they roamed the smooth expanse of my abdomen neatly framed by black satin panties and matching bra.  His breathing matched my own as he leaned in to place a long lingering kiss just above my navel.

This is realistic and possible. A reader can relate easily. Men are attracted to women (well with the exception of gays) and the will always follow a woman who takes the lead. A lot people believe a man won't submit to a woman, but I know better (a lot better)

Again wanting more I leaned back, drinking him in with my eyes.

Once again I have to wonder if she wouldn't be too far gone to give a shit already? Usually once your lost in feeling, in the kiss, in everything. Looking at the man is usually the last thing in a person's man by then.

Oh, God.

Mentle babble, it works for this story. I notice a lot of stories like to add mentle babble, but generally it cuts from the story. It makes a reader go 'What the fuck?' And then they have to re-read that section so they can understand what just happened (usually several times). Always make sure mentle babble adds to the story, and doesn't destroy it.

Like I said, it works here.

I allowed my hands to slide to the hem of his undershirt, dragging it up, my eyes never leaving his in our slow dance of discovery.  He courteously lifted his arms allowing me to pull the stretched material over his head and drop it at our sides, his eyes blazing green with passion.

I like it, it sounds realistic, and much more virginesque (by both parties)

Emboldened, I slipped off his bowtie and began unbuttoning his shirt, amazed at my ability to multi-task both lips and fingers.

I'm a little worried here, this certainly makes it sound like she isn't a virgin. As a general rule, the first time is ackward, slow, and insecure. This is moving along rather rapidly, and there's something about the steadiness and rapid movement that occurs. It makes it sound like she's had experience in this are. Very few (if any) women know what to do their first time. And she clearly knows what she is doing. This was wrote by you guys, and I bet neither of you are virgins. (The next time you write a 'first lemon' scene, try to go back in your ming to your first time) Make it realistic, people will relate to it more.

Once again no offense intended.

We floated closer to the bed

It's nicely worded. But if you are aiming for a more realistic approach it would be better to say, 'we practically floated', 'we lightly stepped', or 'we danced'. Most of your story aims toward realistic yet there are moments like this where it is worded in the fanatical realm. You always have to be careful of that.

Nonetheless it was well wrote.

You cant leave us hanging that way!!! I need more and Hell NO....No Mike!!

“I want to be yours, Edward.  You have won my heart,”

Even though it is a slightly cliche line, it works. There's desire in this line; she's telling him what she want, desires, and needs. But this line will sometimes defeat the chapter, destroy it, be careful of how it is used or it just sounds like a bad a hookup line.

Again, I never intend offense (and if I do, I will say such).

I took his hand, “Come.”

This is a great lead to a dom/sub segment, or a BDSM segment. If you ever write a BDSM story, use this line fairly often. It workes great for the start of chapters, the start of a new section in a chapter, or even as the last line of a chapter (if you want a cliffy that is). It was interesting to see it used in this story.

Panting, we finally pulled apart, eyes opening to seek the other's gaze; finding passion, lust and burgeoning love written joyously in our eyes.  My only fear now was not being able to hold a candle to the Bella featured in his dreams.    

Another well-wrote segment, this hints at real life, at something actual. Something a reader can compare to and feel, because they have probably been there. The only question I must ask is that because this turned into a breath-taking kiss, wouldn't she be to far gone to care if she held a match to his fantasy Bella (at least for that moment in time)?

My pulse quickened as his hand cupped its warmth against my cheek.  Tipping my face up, his lips approached agonizingly slowly, before finally making featherlike contact with mine.  

We both let out a gasp at the resulting bolt of desire that ripped through our bodies

While this is extremely well wrote, and I mean that. This also sounds very fanatical, and sort of juevinile. Most basic kisses don't result in some catacalismic sensation. There might be a soft gasp and a slight tingle, but thatwould most likely be it. Now if you are going for fanatical than this is perfect. But if you are going for a more realistic approach, then this is slightly farfetched.

Once again, no offense intended.

Pleasure ricocheted through me, my hips bucking and spasming wildly.  My hands moved to clutch at his back and shoulder as my body strained toward a new and unfamiliar goal. 

Her heart gives into passion, her body folds under desire. She needs this; she has to have this. He gives her wan; release. The sweet blissful feeling. He watches her intensely while she experiences the sensations that course through the mindset of her body. He his even more lustrous from the mere sight of what he sees. Yet some part of him has reeled in and he is once again a gentlemen. He wants her to have the choice to say no; to end it there. Even though he not only wants, but needs more.

*Manic smile leaves face, spark leaves eye, body stops shaking, madman laughter ends*

Lucidity has returned, I have contributed my thirty. *Whew*

P.S. I must yell at my sister, she is very far behind.

Bullsh*t review alert

Sorry, but I have to do Mr. Bunny again; I love him too much not to.

(/)_(/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")

2 more

Arching up, I let his hands reach under me to unclasp my bra, which after some fumbling he managed to do.  He grasped the shoulder straps and gently pulled them down my arms before dropping the bra blindly behind him. 

 I felt suddenly exposed under his intense gaze, and my first instinct was to cover my nakedness with my arms.  But his eyes were so full of reverence that I laid my shaking arms at my side allowing him to take in his fill.  

Moments of passion, desire, lust, need; may they not be regretted in the morning. There's a point in our life where we must have something. She needs what is coming in the near future, yet anxiety strikes. Her subconcious mind asks her what she is unwilling to ask openly. Is she really ready? Is this what she really wants? Can she ask for more? Is this the best she can do? Hee heart says no, but part of her wonders. Yet when she sees his look, his eyes; the desire in them. She knows, she can't get better than that.

4 left

"Undress me, Edward, please.  I want you to touch me everywhere.”

It's an order, yet at the same time it's a request, a plea. The desire would be clear from both her mouth and her eyes; her physicial tension.

6 more... okay now I'm done for the night.

Oh, that's better than making them bleed!! *mwahahaha!!!*

To your comment, it's far from better, it's worse. My sister is a Dom in a literal manner. And I've seen the way she can make someone beg. I'd honestly rather be beaten to a pulp; if Jacque was here right now he would be in complete agreement with me.

Hmm... seems like I'm not done for the night after all.

8 to go

Certain my heart was about to pound out of my chest, I sank slowly down onto the edge of the bed and scooted back toward the center.  As though he was tied to me with a chain, Edward followed to settle on his side next to me kicking off his shoes and socks as he went.  His eyes followed his hands as they roamed the smooth expanse of my abdomen neatly framed by black satin panties and matching bra.  His breathing matched my own as he leaned in to place a long lingering kiss just above my navel.

In many he is connected to a chain, a chain of desire. He's beginning to forget his instincts to be a proper gentleman, and instead following his heart, his desire, his need. He can't help it, lust consumes him, demanding more of him, he has to follow.

10 more

My chest felt like it was a heaving bellows, as I reached out to unfasten his belt, and free the clasp and zipper of his tux pants. They instantly fell into a matching pool of black around his ankles.

She is an extreme amount of lust and passion (This is one those things you really hope you won't wake up and regret in the morning). She recognizes some minor details yet at the same time she seems to fail to notice other things; like an erection. Boxers/briefs don't hide it very well. There is no way that isn't already hard, he has to be in as much passionate lust as her.

12 to go.

His hands slowly descended from my shoulders along the outsides of my arms and around to my back while his lips descended along my jaw, past my ear and down to my collarbone.  I felt him take a deep breath in before his nimble fingers grasped the zipper on the back of my dress to oh so slowly pull it down.  When it was all the way down he paused, I assumed to give me a moment to protest if I had changed my mind. I hadn’t.

Romance, love, lust, need, desire, want. He responds to her eyes, her physical body pleading. Yet he pauses knowing what he wants, and knowing what he sees that she wants. Yet he can't stop his instincts; being the proper gentleman that he is, he's been taught that a woman has the right to refuse. He must give her a good chance to refuse. He can't take before he knows beyond all shadows of a doubt. Yet part of her wants him to stop being nothing but a gentleman, all female like at least partly a bad boy.

14 more *Manic grin in place*

Bullsh*t review alert.

since mouse didn't work out so well last time, I'm trying again.

l      _      _
l     (_)   (_)
l       (0 0)
l    ==(O)==

I hope that worked better

another 16

That chapter was one the hottest I have read yet!!!

“I want to be yours, Edward.  You have won my heart,” I admitted in a soft voice, knowing desire and anticipation were written large in my eyes, for once grateful that my every thought always showed on my face.

I want this, I desire this, I need this, I am yours. This is romantic, intense, sweet, and passionate. I can taste it and imagine it. Her hands are probably touching him in an unconcious gesture at this moment, and her eyes; more than desirous - they're pleading. They want him to know. Her soft voice probably has the start of lust in it.

19 more

RosaBella75:  Hey TA.

TwiliteAddict:  Yeah RB?

RosaBella75:  Did you notice the sudden spike in the review count yesterday?

TwiliteAddict:   Yeah I did.  That most certainly was impressive!

RosaBella75:  No doubt!  That Tish is one motivated wildcat, eh?!  *laughs*

TwiliteAddict:  I’ll say.  She posted FOURTY-SIX reviews all on her own! *giggles and shakes head*

RosaBella75:  I KNOW!  And even the “throw away” ones were good for at least a grin, if not a giggle!  She even made me get a bit misty a time or two with her insight and praise! 

TwiliteAddict:  She sure is dedicated to her sister!  *whispers*  We’ll just overlook that she was just as excited to read the next chapter for her own enjoyment, too!   :D

RosaBella75:  I think the good readers here at The Writer’s Coffee Shop should get down and kiss her feet for bringing this chapter a whole TWO days early with her over the top impressive diligence! 

TwiliteAddict:  No doubt!

RosaBella75:  Shall we shut up and let them get to the citrus now?

TwiliteAddict:  *laughs*  Definitely!

Thanks, I love being acknowledged.

21 to go

That was beautiful... and so hot!

This done his lips sought mine again as his free hand descended over the curls between my legs, gently cupping my heat.  My hips bucked at the jolt of intense sensation, my mind aswirl with desire and stimulation, the tension in my belly wound so tight it throbbed in a demanding pulse of its own.  I found my hands grasping at his back and shoulders, all but devouring him with my unrelenting kisses.

Emotion strikes; passion, desire, want, lust, need. A woman's body is fine tuned instrument (Well a man's too, but I'm not even touching that topic). We need and want specific things, and desire being touched very specifically; while not every female is the same it is something all females share.

23 more... but I'm ending for the night.

Bullsh*t review alert

Meet Mouse

Edward lifted his hand and lightly ran the back of his index finger down the slope of my cheek.  

“As Shakespeare wrote, ‘Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.’  This is so much better than a dream,” he murmured after a moment, the wonder in his eyes igniting joyous hope in my own. 

My pulse quickened as his hand cupped its warmth against my cheek.  Tipping my face up, his lips approached agonizingly slowly, before finally making featherlike contact with mine.  

We both let out a gasp at the resulting bolt of desire that ripped through our bodies -- it actually made my toes curl.  Unwilling to release the contact, my arms wrapped around Edward’s waist and fisted into his tux jacket.  Our lips clung more firming, our breath mingling as we began gloriously exploring and tasting each others’ succulent lips. 

The beginning is always the best part to a chapter; it is what draws the reader in, what creates the allure. And it is clear in this chapter that Bella is falling straight into Edward; she loves him with her whole heart. And as general, humans (females especially) enjoy romance (almost as much as good smut)

27 to go *Madman grin in place*

Hmm... I'd swear my brother is too "f-ing sexy" (as he refers to it) to be gay but he is. (Oh and he has read more than his share of 'emo porn' and seen more)

There's a picture of him on there http://www.blogger.com/profile/15823982657792518257 And his story is on his blog A Darker Twilight; if you go on and read the first chapter of his story and like maybe you could leave a comment to help convince him to join TWCS

A picture of me can be found http://www.blogger.com/profile/03754066498576098599 My blog is obviously Jadiona, basically it has all my stories and such

And a picture of Tish can be found http://www.blogger.com/profile/12354119181317819069 Her blog is Poetic Twilight

Other than that I love how romantic this chapter was. hmmm... I'm beating my sister to reviewing, that's interesting

3 down... 27 to go

Soooo.... As my sister mentioned - How bout two? My sister and I could each review twenty times and that will get you well over fifty reviews

Want it to be thirty each we can do that too... Trust me I've got a lot of areas that I can analyze in this chapter... so what do you say? Be warned MY SISTER AND I WILL START THE BERATING MONDAY (unless I decide to do mine sooner (hehe)

For now however I hate the damn cliffy... And not enough happened to require a cold shower of me. Damn even I've gone that far, and at the rate you guys update I'm going to beat the story to the punch line.

Please, please, please post the next chapter soon *Puppy dog eyes now showing*

(*Manic eyes not far behind* - thirty reviews... here I come)

Okay, once again, I hate the cliffies; I swear you two have only one capability. Soooo.... You won't settle for one reviewer; how about two? I'd say three but Jacque (being only sixteen) is too young to (technically) read this story. It doesn't stop him; I wouldn't let it. He just uses my site or my sister's to read this stuff. In matter of fact he says "Get that next flipping chapter out".

So how would Tish and I both reviewing do. I swear we can get you to fifty. Or did you not notice Tish's uber annoyingness (especially since I have coerced her into helping)