Well, I tried but I think that some chapters ago you abandoned what made your story special- your plot- to write a fluff-only story that does not make much sense.

See, when I read the summary and then started reading your story I was thinking "wow! like 21 Jump Street!" It has potential! This has not been done at all for Twilight fanfics... At least not being Bella the undercover agent and Edward the one having to deal with a relationship where "his girl" is going to have to deal with many potential situations while he stays at home grading papers.

But instead of trying to balance the fluff with a good plot, giving your characters time to not only fall in love so that it doesn't look so artificial (tell me, besides being a very hot cop, what could Edward say about Bella that sets her apart from the rest of the female population? Even Stephanie Meyer showed that, although there was always an unclassifiable connection, they required time to make their bond stronger while they are in the process of discussing likes and dislikes and getting to know each other) but also show their work as undercovers at the school, you disregarded completely that characters require some consistency to make them believable and that things need to make sense... at least a little bit!!! Instead, you have 3 cops- apparently having each of them quite a good reputation- that in 3 days only go to school and drool after their respective "future love of their lives". Not once you decide to put some meat into the story and actually show that they are really cops. In fact, if you didn't say they were cops I would take them for teens at high school, not for people nearing their 30's and certainly not policemen/policewomen and FBI agents.

Even more bizarre was the fact that they go undercover with their real names and using the cars they actually own for private use (can they scream more loudly?: "Hello, Volturi! It's the police here and we are sending some of our best cops out there to get information about your illegal activities but, hey! let them do their job in peace and do not kill them or anything, ok? We know you are good guys!)

Ok, those things bothered me but I decided to keep reading just to see if things could improve and you already said that some of these last chapters have been modified to improve them so I kept reading and hoping it was something that might indicate lack of experience or a beta during the first chapters.

So could you tell me how a cop goes on an undercover mission like if she was going on a blind date? No mic, no support, no one tailing her and her possible lead (who, by the way, she didn't find- it was the other way round!!!- because despite repeating each chapter what an amazing cop she is, fact is her actions paint her as a lousy one!!!) in case things go wrong? And no one knowing where she is going to be with the possible lead???? Particularly dealing with an organization so powerful that the FBI needs to step in and still it is difficult to get them? And you decide to send a policewoman on her own, without any kind of support and not even telling anyone what she plans to do besides "going on a date with someone everyone agrees about being dangerous to a concert who knows where..." And the FBI is totally fine with this!

And can you explain why that so professional cop seems to feel that there is no much reason to inform as soon as she can about that lead and her partner needs to step in and tell Rosalie? It does not matter if Rosalie is intimidating. If Bella is a good cop she shares the intel with the team and Rosalie is not there only to glare and blow a fuse over breaking rules (another great feat of professionalism, they could place an advert on the newspapers because I am seriously asking myself how many people besides James doesn't know by know!). She has to coordinate people and resources to help with the mission "Bella goes on a date!"

Look, to a degree I don't mind the stereotypes, the clichés or overused character personalities that much if there is a good idea behind them that supports the need to use them as so many people before you have done. And I can really understand that sometimes one intends to write about something but doesn't know exactly how. But at least there should be some signs of trying! There are quite a number of Twifics about undercovers on the net and maybe for a real FBI agent they would seem hilarious but to you, me and other twific readers they seem believable to a certain degree because authors have made the effort of researching or taking ideas from films, TV series, thrillers... and incorporating them so that things make sense and appear to be base in a logical series of events!

The main thing one has to keep in mind when telling a story is that you have to support what you are telling the reader about the story and its characters with facts. As I said, I cannot believe Bella (or Alice, Emmet and even Rosalie for that matter) is such a good cop when you have consistently shown that her actions contradict that statement. You just show a teen supposedly trapped in the body of a 28 years old woman who has a great recognition within the Seattle Police Department and even gets praises that can reach an FBI agent but has messed up every time she needs to act as a cop and who gets a lead in the investigation because said lead finds her and not the other way around... I'm sorry, it is just not believable!

I am sorry to give such a negative review. I wish I could say more positive things but, as I said at the beginning, besides having in your hands a good and original idea not seen many often in the Twific world, I can't say I have enjoyed what I've read so far and I wish you would actually take time to rework this story, because I will never deny that it has a great potential but the execution is seriously lacking.

Best wishes.